Woven.: My next thirty years...(circa 2013)

Tim Mcgraw wrote a song about turning 30; How he'd live the next 30 years without many of the regrets from the previous 30. He would be a better father and husband, be healthier, and "forget all the crazy things" he'd done.

Something about a milestone birthday makes you do that. Reflect and envision...

So here we go.

Reflection:

The past decade of my life has been one of many, many ups and downs. I rang in my twenties with a 9 month old. My then-fiance was stationed in Kuwait. I'd send him letters and videos of our child and started working on wedding plans. I was in my 2nd year of college, determined to stay the course in spite of the unexpected arrival of my son. I had just come off of one of, if not THE hardest year of my life- facing an unplanned pregnancy, an adoption journey and then parenting. My twenties brought a breath of fresh air for me. I was beginning to like this new (unexpected) life. I've often said that turning 30 doesn't scare me because I've been living the life of one for 10 years now, and that's pretty much the case! College experiences were exchanged for balancing nursing, naps, studying and raising a baby.

The next few years of my twenties brought much more pain than I had hoped or imagined. When I rededicated my life to Christ after high school, I also asked God to unite my family- to give my son the best possible life- one with a mom and dad together; and what a gift God gave me in answering that. I loved my husband in a fresh, new way and was beginning to learn what that really meant- how selfless the word "love" had to be. I wasn't able to enjoy married life for long though... He would soon confess that he had been unfaithful with several women. This was a revelation that broke my heart, just broke it. This news, although not completely unexpected, was gut wrenching... Over the next few years, I would journey on the tough, ongoing road of forgiveness. I would make my own share of mistakes. I would move twice in an attempt to save my family. And I would learn what it felt like to hand over a dream so precious to my heart, and ask God to do what He saw fit with it. Sadly, that same dream wasn't handed back to me and yet, when realizing it was over, the Lord's sweet, sweet arms were once again holding me in my bed. Although a low point, this was a precious time when I was able to feel the Creator of the Universe simply...hold me.

The past 5 years since then have been a steady pathway of beauty, faithfulness and restoration. My heart has been restored. My hope has been restored. My eyes see the beauty of God's creation and people. My heart and spirit feel His constant faithfulness and provision, in my life and in my children's.

As I reflect on this decade- there are things that I never want to feel again. There are moments that I don't wish to relive. But there are also memories and lessons that I will always cherish. In my twenties, I started my precious family. I have been entrusted to love and guide these amazing children. I finished college! Whoo hoo! :) I started my career as a teacher. I saw the dedication of loyal friendships and my family. I felt the love and gift of new friendships. I learned great wisdom from amazing leaders in my church. And most of all, I became friends with my sweet, sweet Savior again. I felt Him in the midst of my pain. I felt Him in my children's hugs. I felt Him teach me new things. I felt Him show me His heart. I felt Him give me strength for each new day.

Vision

As I envision what this next decade has, I see things that can't necessarily be touched or planned for. I see lots of laughter and lots of love. I see adventure. I see prayer. I see gratitude. I see growth. I see myself learning new aspects of God's amazing character. I see new friendships. I see grace. I see wisdom. I want to learn how to be more obedient. I want to love again. I want to be flexible more than comfortable. I want to be more Spirit-led. I want to spend quality time with my children. I want to make those dang photo albums I've been working on the past 10 years! ;-) ...I want to learn to like mowing my grass; or find someone who does. ;-) I want to minister to the children around me and share God's sweet love. I want to see more parts of His creation. I have places I want to visit and people I want to serve...I want to save more and spend less. I want to challenge myself to give away things that I may consider "mine" so I can free myself up for more that is "His."

Gratitude

Thank you to my family for showing me "the way in which I should go"...thank you for always being there for me. Thank you to my faithful friends for your laughter and love. Thank you to new friends over the past several years. Thank you to those who have offered wise counsel that helped guide many tough decisions. Thank you for the acts of kindness- the yards you've cut for me, the tables you've built, the groceries you've brought over, the car you've cleaned out, the boxes you've packed, the meals you've made, the advice you've given, the prayers you've prayed. I love you all so, so much.

My heart is full. My spirit is hopeful. My faith is strong.

Bring on the next thirty years... :-)

Some cherished memories from this decade:

A precious new addition to my life... William Brayden

Watching my son become a big brother...

Sweet times with Gussy before he passed away...

Sharing special times with my grandparents...

Finishing college with my support group cheering me on!

God providing all of the details for our move to Fairhope, including the purchase of our first home. It's a beautiful, cozy, gift that we love!

A sweet new addition to our family, Gracie Girl.

The opportunity to travel to New England as a family.

Special trips with my children...

Our time in Pensacola. The friendships we made, Dylan's wonderful school, times of worship, day trips to the beach, camping at Ft. Pickens...what a great 4 years!