Sunday, January 20, 2013

An open letter to my boys...

Dylan and Brayden,

My precious gifts. I want you to know how valuable and special you are to me. As I rub your sweet heads and backs at night, I am reminded to be THANKFUL you are with me.
The joy that you bring me cannot be adequately described. The way your hugs make me feel. The scruffy sound of your voice. The fading "Love you Mommy" as I shut your bedroom door. The kiss on my cheek as you leave for school.

You two are the most precious things I have in my life.

There is no amount of peacefulness or solitude or vacation time or rest, that can compare to the beautiful chaos of having you two with me.

Brayden- you are independent, spunky, strong willed, fearless and yet cautious; you are tender, yet tough. You will be an incredible addition to your friends lives. You will be a wonderful father, husband and fearless servant of Christ.  You are bold and full of courage and I ADORE YOU!

Dylan- you are talented at everything you seek to do. You are a born protector and encourager and leader. You are thoughtful and loving and giving and generous. You are empathetic and smart. You are charming and witty. You will be the most wonderful father and husband one day.

As I see you two grow, I become more proud of who you are.

There isn't a greater pleasure in this world than to see you two love each other. Your bond can not be broken. Do not ever let anyone come between you. You are different and unique and strong and special. Find the qualities in each other that are different and view them as strengths. Always be there for one another.

There are times I wish my house were cleaner or my car were quieter. Or that Dylan, you would finally learn to get your boxers off the bathroom floor. Or that Brayden, you would aim better. Or dress neater. Or comb your hair. Or pick up your Hot Wheels cars. Or shake the sand out of your shoes.

But these are part of what make my time with you two so...

The dirt.          
The sandy shoes.      
The boxers.
The mismatch clothes.
Running late so Brayden can "just get one more thing!"
The towel on the bathroom floor.
The chaos in the car.
Walking around the opposite side of the grocery store, just to get the "driving cart".
The dirty smelling blankie.
The cleats you wore inside the house.......and the track of clay you brought with it.
The book bag you didn't unpack.
The dishwasher you didn't finish unloading.
The "art" on my fridge.
The smell of your watermelon shampoo.
The 8 different toothpastes I bought just to try and find one that you liked.

Arguing over the car seats....
                      and the radio
                            and the movie we're watching
                                  and the basketball game
                                       and who will be the Red Ranger
                                             and whether you can hear the "h" in "cheese"

These are the beautiful pieces that make up our lives together.

I could write a book to you boys. I could spend an entire night telling you what I love. what I need to do better, appreciate more, do differently. There isn't enough time in my life to adequately share my love with you.
There aren't enough back rubs to have.
Sunscreens to apply.
Hairs to brush.
or shoes to put on.            

An eternity as your mom, doesn't seem like enough.

If my love for you bursts through time and space and any limits, I cannot imagine how much Christ loves you.....and me.


Choose your friends wisely.
Choose work that you love but more importantly, choose to work faithfully, earnestly, and honestly at whatever you do.
Work at the relationships that mean the most to you.
Learn from others.
Read God's Word.
Worship Him.
Pray about everything.
Protect your families.
Guard your hearts.....and minds.....and bodies.

The "bliss" that this world can offer you will never compare to the eternal, everlasting, unending and incredible bliss of a dedicated life to Christ. No person, no job, no fun, no experience, no adventure, nothing is worth the cost of your life, your peace, your future or your family.

Trust Him in the Valley- He is working.
Trust Him in the Darkness- He is there.
Praise Him in the joys.
Listen to His Spirit in you.
Test what you hear, think, say and do against His Word. It is the source of life and will never lead you wrong.

Your understanding is finite and can only see a section at a time. His view is eternal and sees it all.

love wins. 

You can have every opportunity, every resource, all the charm and wit and adoration of humans, but if you have not loved it is meaningless. 

                                     pour out


I've wandered from my reflection of your precious childhood to a handbook for your life..... Sorry. That's what mommies do :)

Forgive me for the moments where I've not shown you love. 
Forgive me for not appreciating every moment I have with you. 
Forgive me for losing my temper or ever making you feel inadequate or less than the special creation you are.
I am sorry. 

Everything, everything, that I have gained from knowing you and loving you and raising you has enriched my life! I wouldn't ever want to walk this life without you two wonderful boys. 

Thank you for loving me. Thank you for laughing with me. (And at me.) 
Thank you for drawing in my journal. And for the Spiderman stickers on my car window. 
Thank you for insisting on pushing the cart....and convincing me to buy that stupid coconut. Then laughing at me when I broke it open and sprayed milk all over my face. 
Thank you for camping with me. 
And killing all those horrible bugs in my house. 
And for leaving your light saber on the couch. 
And for your backwards letter "d's"
Thank you for bringing the mail in for me...and helping me cut all the credit card applications up. 
Thank you for working so hard in school. 
...and making me laugh because you got a discipline note for cracking pecans in the hallway. :) Yes. I laughed. 

Thank you for letting me defend you. protect you. cuddle with you. play music with you. paint with you and love you. 

My heart is full. 

I love you forever and ever and ever and ever aaaaaallllll the way to the last star in the sky...

and back.